“Trump says the papers the FBI took from Mar-a-Lago are covered by his white privilege — wait, excuse me, I mean his executive privilege.” — Desus Nice
“They also confiscated 8,000 McRibs, 9 Melania clones, 1 unused Peloton, 2 tons of industrial grade ranch dressing, and Girls Gone Wild, Volumes 8 through 19. — Lindsey Graham’s testicles. — Desus Nice
“Let me break down Trump’s defense. He says the FBI planted false evidence to deceive him and now he wants them to return the false evidence. Even OJ , is like, “Yo, bro, savage.” — Desus Nice
“What Donald Trump doesn’t understand is that he doesn’t own those documents. They belong to his former employer, the U.S. government. When you get fired from the office, you can’t bring home a Xerox machine, and when I was fired from Showtime, they wouldn’t let me bring the cast of Shameless home. ” — Desus Nice
“And people are saying, ‘What’s the point of a president keeping classified documents at home?’ Come on, it’s like Obama left the nuclear code on Red Lobster.” — Desus Nice
