“It’s Never Too Late” is a series that tells the story of people who made the decision to follow their dreams.
Joanna Patchett has always had a fear of death and dying people.
“I was afraid to be responsible for people’s lives, and I was terrified between life and death,” she said.
But in July 2020, as hospitals filled with coronavirus cases, Patchett, a freshman from nursing school, found himself in a critically ill COVID-19 patient in the intensive care unit of Binghamton General Hospital in upstate New York. I realized that I was taking care of
“It was heartbreaking to see how sick everyone was. “So many people dying in quick succession, floors full of patients on ventilators, people being intubated so often, their main problem when the world can reach them. I didn’t expect to be a contact. No.”
Ms. Patchett dreamed of becoming an actress, but the profession didn’t go so well. In 2019, at the age of 35, she passed her one-year accelerated nursing program and returned to school. Most of her classmates became her nurses right out of college, and many affectionately referred to her as her “mom.” As her pandemic worsened, she said she was deeply touched by “people opening up to us and seeing how vulnerable we are.”
“I could see humanity, that everyone is worth living, and how hard the body is fighting to stay alive,” she said.
Ms. Patchett never imagined her life would turn out this way. After earning a bachelor’s degree in English and drama from Ithaca College, she moved from job to job, teaching English and yoga, working in a dental office, and spent a decade feeling “lost and depressed.” . She didn’t know what she wanted to do and felt behind in her life. “She knew she wanted something, but she didn’t know what it was,” she said.
“I envy people who challenge themselves,” Patchett said. “It never happened. If I wanted to grow up and find myself, I had to try something horrible. I had to take risks and challenge myself.”
Ms. Patchett disagreed, but felt that her mother had persuaded her to nurse and that she would be able to make a difference. “She wasn’t equipped to go through something like that, and I didn’t think she was mentally or emotionally capable of it,” she said.
But over the last few years, that’s exactly where she found herself, despite 12-hour shifts, daily emergencies, and often grueling emotional labor. For Patchett, who lives alone, returning to an empty apartment was especially difficult. Her family lived only eight miles away, but she couldn’t see her relatives often because of her high risk of contracting the coronavirus, and even when she returned home, she was alive and well. There was nothing there. She cried many times when she came home from her work. Her intense stress as a nurse in her ICU took a toll on her mentally, so she took up the cat Tanky. “I wanted something I could love,” she said. “Tanky has really helped me through the Covid-19 pandemic. He’s 15 pounds of fur love and emotional healing.”
“To lose a patient I was so close to and to die in such a tragic way made me question everything,” she said. “But I came to consider this work my duty. It was a war. I didn’t mean to let them die alone.”
The interview below has been edited and condensed.
Have you ever regretted your decision to become a nurse because it was your first nursing job and you were unexpectedly placed on the ICU floor to care for COVID-19 patients?
No, I was very scared, but I have never regretted this job or being here. If anything, I have found my vocation. I wasn’t afraid to be the one to watch someone die, or be the one to be with them when they died. I was good at watching them pass by, and I was able to work under a lot of stress.
How did you find the strength to face your fears?
I had no choice. There is no escaping this kind of work. I discovered my ability to be challenged, and found the strength to maintain it. I couldn’t afford to leave the sick alone, nor did I want to. someone had to be there. I knew it had to be me.
When I was accepted into the nursing program, I found myself one of the oldest people on board. what was that like?
I felt out of place. Most were her 20-25 years old and were aiming for a career in nursing soon after getting their first degree. they were hilarious. I didn’t feel like I was participating in that hot topic. But Gen Z is a welcoming group. They didn’t have the judgment that was in me. Once we were divided into clinical groups, we became very close and dependent on each other. As we supported each other, we shared many intense moments that empowered me.
How did you feel when the juniors called you mother?
I loved it. I watched over them and made sure they were all okay. I brought food in case someone wasn’t eating. I became their go-to when they went through difficult moments. I had an aging experience that no one else had. And they made me feel important. It made me feel special. I learned from them too.
What did you learn as a nurse?
I’ve never had a job that was more meaningful, or a job that made me feel like I was serving a purpose. Facing death has taught me that I cannot give up. Through nursing I learned that life can be incredibly difficult and hurtful. But you have to choose to keep fighting, that’s part of living. I learned that I matter, and that I matter to people who are dying, and who want to have me by their side even though they are dying.
After 18 months of struggling to save COVID-19 patients, you have decided to switch to palliative care. why?
I’m burned out. I realized that I had to move to another area of nursing. On the ICU floor, I was under death guidance. I wanted to help people take control of their own deaths, instead of watching them die in a flurry of gasps. When the Covid-19 crisis seemed to be over, I started helping the elderly and those with terminal illness decide how they wanted to die. I am currently a Hospice Nurse Case Manager for Lourdes Hospice, an outpatient home end-of-life care provider in Vestal, New York., I interact with 20-30 families each week. And I am participating in a deeper debate about the dignity of dying.
What have you learned about yourself by learning to care for others?
I have a voice that conveys wisdom. I have a special ability to listen and see people, being present in their very difficult moments.
What’s the best advice you can offer?
When it comes to making changes in your life, sometimes you have to make decisions to change. Run it once and you can do almost anything. Everything you do contributes to who you are now. Ironically, My training in yoga, acting and teaching has given me the ability to stay grounded and in the present moment. No part of the journey is wasted, even if you don’t know what you’re doing or where you’re going. Never late. you just haven’t arrived yet.
