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My Promotion, Her Problem – The New York Times

Ask questions about the office, money, career, work-life balance workfriend@nytimes.comPlease include your name and location or wish to remain anonymous. Text is editable.

I’m a librarian in my late twenties, but I’ve made a quick career progress due to a wave of retirees. My supervisor thinks highly of me and recently I was offered a position in charge of my own library. That’s me and another individual working at this location. Another librarian has been in the field almost as long as I’ve lived, and I know she applied for the position.

This is creating some awkwardness and something we haven’t discussed. She was very surprised and upset by the fact that she was not selected for that position. I believe she may be seeking relief. How can we build good relationships in this situation? How can I be confident in my abilities and fight imposter syndrome? This situation has really sucked a lot of the joy out of this new opportunity.

– Anonymous

Congratulations on your appointment. I appreciate your concern for wanting to work with your colleagues. It’s not your fault that she didn’t get your position, but I understand how you resent her being passed up for a promotion. If so, all you can do is make sure the process works.

In the meantime, I hope to build constructive relationships with my colleagues. We often avoid talking about things that really need to be talked about. It may be helpful to sit down with her to discuss your role and how to build a fruitful working relationship, as she will admit her disappointment but not your responsibility. , do not take responsibility.

You also have to trust that you have earned your place. Make any changes you feel need to be made. Ask your colleagues what changes they would like to see, and try to find ways to work with them rather than take a more heavy-handed, top-down approach. This is an opportunity to think about what kind of leader you can be. Given the question you’re asking, I’m sure you’re great.


After four years of self-employment, I decided to return to a director-level position within the company. But doing Zoom interview after Zoom interview feels like I’m guilty of not exposing my body.

I weigh 450 pounds on a 5’10” frame. why do you think this is important? Because we need accommodation. Fly first class, book two seats, secure an aisle seat at the theater, custom work clothes, or decline a team meal or client meeting because of your seat choices Possibly (physical limitations and excruciating anxiety caused by what I consider a flimsy or inadequate chair).

Employers expect their directors and executives to attend conferences, events and offsite meetings. I do not consider these unreasonable demands, but these implied duties only fuel my concerns.

Part of me thinks that if you get a job offer, you should have a quick discussion with the recruiter about reasonable accommodations for travel, meetings, and in-person meetings. But to be honest, I find it embarrassing. Existing in a world that can’t accommodate your size is a burden enough without preemptively dealing with it. Clearly, I feel embarrassed by the extra space my body needs, and years of therapy have slowly but steadily improved that feeling.

If you don’t have the physique for white-collar leadership requirements, what should you do when your size is kept secret in virtual interviews and most remote work?

– Anonymous

I can relate to everything written here. I wrote a book about it called “Hunger”. When you are fat, there are many challenges, both physically and emotionally, in navigating a world that is generally very hostile to fat bodies. No, so you’re not guilty of omission by not revealing your body. And it’s no secret. Reframe your understanding of your body and try to be more kind to yourself.

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