Divai Brown, a 39-year-old lawyer from Harlem, has lived in Dublin for about 15 months, works in financial regulation and loves Dublin.
“I have no immediate plans to return to the United States,” Brown said in a telephone interview. “Maybe other parts of Europe, but I definitely won’t be going back to America.”
Despite the many advantages of her move, dating in the country has not been so easy. She points to several factors that make it difficult.
Until recently, she used Tinder, Hinge and Bumble. She says she’s always viewed Tinder as a “great opportunity” when it comes to leading to something serious, and Bumble, which requires a woman to send her first message, has taken too many ” It took time.
“It’s like another job,” she said. “I value relationships and relationships, but I don’t know if I value them enough to burn out.”
As the days get longer and the weather warms, some are opting out of dating apps, at least for now. He says he’s making up for the time he spent swiping through by prioritizing real-life encounters and focusing on having fun.
Brown recently decided to take her dating life off the app this summer and do what she loves, like going to food and wine festivals and hiking. Meanwhile, she’s leaving her dating life to “the will of the universe.”
“I’m 39, never been married, no kids, and I don’t know what the late 30s-early 40s dating pool is really like,” she said. “I feel like if someone is interested in me, they’ll let me know. If not, it’s not.”
Atoosa Moinzadeh is also riding that wave. Her 30-year-old girlfriend, Moinzadeh, from Brooklyn, has been on the dating app for almost her decade, having first downloaded her Tinder in 2014. It’s a really short period of time. The two she used most recently were Tinder and Hinge, but she deleted both in March when she began to get frustrated.
“Even if you’re willing to date someone, it’s hard to get on stage,” Moinzadeh said in a phone interview. “I have no problem making matches. It’s about getting to the stage where I’m like, ‘This seems like a decent person to meet in real life.’ ”
Before she deleted the app, she was talking to two people. Already she admitted she wasn’t ready for something serious a month later.
“The straw that broke the camel’s back, as someone who doesn’t really like the idea of casual dates, kept meeting people who didn’t know what they wanted and purposely didn’t use it.” said. She added that she has never had a long-term relationship that resulted from online dating.
For Vinessa Burnett, HR Program Manager in Dallas, the summer without dating apps actually started in January. She read an article about long-term dating apps her users hope fatigue made her want to quit dating apps all year long.
“I was like, ‘Wait, I actually downloaded Tinder in 2013,'” she said in a phone interview.
She said the article, published in the New York Times, really resonated with her because she had been feeling despair and disappointment when things had gone wrong for so long.
“So, in an effort to curb the hopelessness I was experiencing and remove some of the anxiety I was used to dating, I was going app-free,” she said.
Burnett, 28, has been tracking offline dating since January and has dated four men, including one she met at a networking event. Another date came from a “small mistake” of rejoining her dating app for a day before she deleted it again.
She said being away from apps (mostly) has changed her tastes as well. This was a plus, she’s Christian but she had a nice date with a Muslim guy. “I don’t think I swiped right on these guys,” she said. “They’re all short.”
Moinzadeh has been away from the app for the summer, but is looking to make it long-term. She is planning her vacation this summer and plans to hang out with her friends and go to concerts in her off time.
“If you do it and meet cool people, it’s cool. If not, I’m not trying to pressure you into looking for a partner,” she said. Because you’re trying to find someone who’s a good fit, not what it looks like.”
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