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Let them eat the cake, but exclude me from it
Since my place of work is more than 3 hours away from the regional office, I have been attending regular team meetings over the phone and video conferences for many years. At a recent meeting, my colleagues gathered in the meeting room. I was surprised to see another team member step into the conference room. One of them was carrying a cake. The person with the cake announced that he was celebrating the birthdays of his two colleagues. One is on the team and the other is on my team.
While I was watching, my colleague enjoyed the cake and started socializing. At one point I didn’t have the cake, so someone jokingly asked me if I should explain the cake. I muttered “no” and was busy looking at the email until my colleague finished using the cake. At that point, the other team left and my team proceeded with our meeting.
This was the first such gathering to have a birthday celebration. It was very annoying to see my colleagues celebrating and I felt excluded. I plan to talk to my boss about this and suggest that birthday celebrations be held outside the team meeting. What do you think?
– Anonymous
It’s understandable that I was awkward and forgot to celebrate my birthday because I attended this meeting from afar, but it has only happened once over the years. Is it really something you need to discuss with your boss? Choose your fight. It’s like you bring it to your friends or your group chat. Anyway, I don’t want to ignore your excluded feelings. One of the responsibilities of working from home is to miss the collegial system of sharing an office, such as socializing, celebrations, and instant collaboration. Some people are okay with that responsibility, but you probably aren’t.
If you want to say something, you can certainly suggest a birthday celebration that takes place outside the team meeting. You can also let the team know when such a celebration will take place so that you can attend the team meeting after cutting the cake. I don’t do anything personally, but I don’t really care. It’s always a good time to turn off your camera at a meeting and focus on what you’re really interested in.
Value proposition
For the past five years, I’ve been lucky enough to have a remote job, but I’m looking for a higher paid job. After a recent Supreme Court ruling overturned the Roe v. Wade case, I will not work for a company with offices in a state that prohibits reproductive freedom. But I also want to narrow my search to companies that haven’t contributed to candidates who oppose reproductive rights. I think political contributions are a public record, but they are not easy to find. If I had an interview, would it be a bad idea to ask about the company’s political position?
— Mary, Pennsylvania
Many of us want to work for a company or organization that is in line with our values. In the corporate world, it’s much harder to do. Many companies favor candidates from both parties if they somehow benefit their profits. That said Open secretA research group that tracks political spending, shares information about corporate donations that may help you in your job hunting.
It’s not a bad idea to seek a complete understanding of the company you want to work for. It ’s really good. But how many companies see it that way? If you want to fully demonstrate your values, you can get answers by asking difficult questions, but those answers can be costly. As an aside, most companies are somehow against the interests of women. If you want to think more broadly about a fair workplace, consider parental leave policies, salary ratios across gender ranges, work-life balance efforts, and everything that contributes to a healthy work environment. need to do it.
Never enough
I am a queer, transgender, environmentalist and work with a small community-run organization that holds what we call liberation politics. From time to time, I compose a compassionate email to a mailing list about an event or problem and return a one-line response like this: Instead, why not give your entire budget to transgender people who aren’t at home? Instead of doing this event, you should relocate all your resources to the first people in this land! Why is there no transparency about the XYZ issue where there was no email subject?
I’m not sure what to do with these emails. They refer to the causes, ideologies and practices I support, but are unaware of the mission, needs and reality of our particular organization. These notes consume a lot of emotional energy, but not the way I find them useful and productive. I consider these emails to be a form of lateral queer cultural trauma. It feels misguided, projected, and malicious. Instead of yelling at the evil tech rulers, they are angry at multiple marginalized members of their community. I don’t think they are really trying to start a conversation with me or the organization I work for. Attempts to destroy a target that is actually accessible can be almost disgusting.
Or I’m just tone policing and my skin is thin, defensive and biased. I don’t know, so please give me some advice on how to deal with it.
— LN, San Francisco
In progressive space, goal posts often appear to be moving all the time. I can’t do anything good enough so far. This is primarily due to the great number of dangers to our most vulnerable people. There are more needs than resources to meet that need. Relentless activism is the way in which the most meaningful change has ever taken place. And as recent events have shown us, when we are not relentless, we lose a valuable position.
You are not tone policing. You are frustrated because you are doing a good job with the best intentions and hope that your efforts will be recognized by the community in which you are participating. It’s rarely as painful as being criticized by people with whom you share a sense of intimacy. With good intentions, these criticisms can contribute to productive and positive change. This is not the case.
As you may have noticed, when people respond with a one-liner outside the topic, they are not engaged in good faith. They have no hatred. They have no bad intentions, but they are doing the easiest thing possible to feel like they are making a difference. Ignore these emails. They have nothing to do with you or your work. They are sent by people who want to share their views, and if someone listens, they know it’s likely to be someone like you. This may be related to cultural trauma, but it’s an explanation, not an excuse.
People who are marginally marginalized usually struggle with the homeostasis of oppression. They are familiar with the work that is still being done to deal with injustice and prejudice. Many are gradual, so it is difficult to assess progress. But you are only one of one organization with a particular mission. It can’t and shouldn’t be everything for everyone. Also, not all emails require a reply. Delete it and continue to do a good job.
Shortage
Some of my friends burned out during the Covid pandemic. They emotionally quit their jobs or stopped looking for a job because they simply couldn’t deal with everything. How would someone explain that gap in the resume?
Most people don’t work for companies that offer generous vacations and resources for mental health care, so too often, the only option we have is to quit the job if we can afford it. is. The best thing about taking a long vacation is that you can replenish your emotional reserves until you can find a way back to work. The hardest part is finding the best way to explain the employment gap.
The most important thing a friend can do is to acknowledge and explain the employment gap in the cover letter and, when the time comes, during the interview process. People with resume gaps don’t need to share personal reasons for leaving work, but they do need to explain the time in some way.
If you started a business, returned to school, or engaged in other forms of professional development during the employment gap, talk about it. If you want to focus on parenting or take care of your sick relatives, share that information. If you’ve learned to take a vacation to play video games, knit, garden, or take care of yourself in ways your employer can’t appreciate, don’t lie and devise an explanation. please.
Employers mainly care about gaps because they want to trust new employees to be a reliable and valuable investment. Understanding how to effectively explain these gaps can help show that taking a break from work is not synonymous with unreliability. Frankly, taking a vacation is quite responsible when you reach your emotional limits. We are humans. It burns out and needs a break. This is neither a weakness nor a failure.
Roxane gay Is a recent author and contributor to “Hunger”.So she writes a letter to her workfriend@nytimes.com..
