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please mute the wedding bells
I work for a non-profit organization and check live checks. A colleague and I share a lunchroom and lunch break. One of my colleagues was getting married and we spent many lunches discussing plans for a lavish wedding. My husband and I rode our bikes to the courthouse for our wedding, so hearing about the difficulty of preparing a wedding that costs at least $100,000 is quite shocking. I find the whole wedding industry ridiculous and this level of privilege is unfamiliar to me. I try to be as soundless as possible.
A colleague plans to host a lunch for her and buy wedding gifts. My budget is very tight and I have no extra money, so I bring my lunch to work every day. I don’t want to buy lunch or donate to gifts. I donate to most causes (colleagues who lost family members, coworkers who had babies, etc.). But I can’t imagine myself buying a present for someone who deserves it. I ignored the email and decided to avoid work for the day. How should I handle this situation?
– Anonymous
You seem to hold some kind of grudge, but given your situation, I understand. It’s frustrating to live on a paycheck while listening to someone casually discussing the financial issues of an impending wedding, as if everyone could afford a lavish wedding. increase. Your colleague is probably so excited that she’s sharing about her wedding. Also, because you are her colleague and not necessarily her close friend with whom you can discuss such things, she will be a bit cocky and inconsiderate.
You clearly don’t like this person, so don’t donate to her wedding gift or lunch. Also, don’t overthink that choice. There is social pressure at work whenever a collection plate comes around, as is often said at work, but you either shut up and abstain, or explain that you can’t afford the additional expenses right now. . There is absolutely no shame in refusing to contribute to something like this.
Overcoming internalized meritocracy
I have had many chronic illnesses throughout my life. I’ve been a workaholic for most of my career so far, frequently juggling multiple jobs and well over her 40 hours a week to make ends meet. For the past few years, I’ve had a full-time job at a nonprofit that truly believes in its mission and I love it.
But chronic pain and fatigue are getting worse. In January, I was having trouble concentrating and getting work done. I asked my boss to switch me to a new, more exciting project. But I had an accident anyway, got burned and had to go on medical leave for 3 weeks. I went back to work, but after only a few weeks of working full-time, I started to suffer again, so I asked that my work hours be reduced to 32 hours a week to prevent further crashes. Meanwhile, my original project remains untouched.
At a recent meeting, my boss highlighted my current project and complimented my boss and colleagues. Instead of feeling happy and proud, I think, “You’re just saying that to convince everyone, including yourself, that I still have value.” I know it’s because of my insecurities and internalized meritocracy, but I can’t get that voice out of my head. In fact, how do you convince yourself that you are still a worthy employee?
— Austin, Georgia
Stop humiliating yourself! Especially in a disability-first world, it can be difficult to overcome internalized negative feelings about yourself. As a human being, it’s easy to accept the idea that if you can’t drive yourself into the ground without producing results, you’re a failure. This is simply not true. Living in a physical body sometimes means that the physical body struggles in some way. It does not reflect your intrinsic worth or professional merit.
